Thursday, November 29, 2007

Thought this was funny

LET'S ALL MOVE TO LAS VEGAS NEVADA! Now this is probably the funniest thing you've read to date...but oh, those of us who live here know how true it is.Laugh, smile, enjoy and have a great day, somewhere out of the heat :) Remember this when you see that little red dot in the southwestern part of the country. The one the reporter points to as being the hottest on the national weather map the next time you watch the TV weather program.LETS ALL MOVE TO VEGAS
May 30th: Just moved to Vegas. Now this is a city that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset from a park lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.
June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a sun worshiper.June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 4th: We drove up on South Mountain to take in the view overlooking the city to the north and the surrounding farmlands on the Indian reservation to the south. I counted no less than 18 of those mini-tornadoes of the desert called dust-devils. This must be the southwest's version of fire-works.
July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this heat? But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected. At least it's kind of windy around sundown everyday. Yesterday all the trees on our street were knocked down by the wind blast. They tell me that only occurs once in a while.
July 15th: Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 2nd degree burns over 60% of my body.) Missed 2 days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.July 20th: I missed Jerry (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got back to the hot car for lunch, Jerry had swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over the $2,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that he ran away. The car now smells like Kibbles and CRAP. No more pets in this heat.
July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as heck. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.
July 30th: Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. $1,500 in dumb house payments and we can't even go inside. I didn't know that I was allergic to massive amounts of mosquito bites. How do they survive the heat? I feel like I am living in a Pizza oven. Why did I ever come here?
Aug. 4th: It's 113 degrees. Finally got the air- conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and is bringing the temperature down a little. Stupid repairman peed in my pool. I hate this stupid city.
Aug. 8th: If another wise Dude cracks, "...but it's a dry heat", I'm going to tear his throat out. By the time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like a dead cat!!
Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I thought my butt was on fire. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs. I tried to lift my butt off the seat by grabbing on to the steering wheel and got third degree burns on my hands!! Now my car smells like some kind of burnt offering and fried cat guts.
Aug. 10th: The weather report might as well be a recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do crap for 2 months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this barren desert?? Because of the water rationing $1700 worth of cactus just might dry up and blow into the pool. Even the cactus can't live in this heat.
Aug. 11th: We saw our first sand storm today. They even showed it on TV as it blew across the valley. A wall of dust 2,000 feet high advancing on the metropolis like something out of a Japanese science fiction movie. The never told us that it is frequently accompanied with light rain and hail. The car looks like it was used in some kind of mud hog derby. The light aluminum awning I put up for shade looks like someone tested a couple of thousand ball-peen hammers on it. And it only cost $150 to have the pool filter replaced.
Aug. 12th: I got the water bill today. $536 and that's because I tried to keep the cactus alive and the pool's automatic filler never shuts off. We have been trying to keep the area around our house a little cooler with this new misting system that everybody says works. All I see when I turn it on is a cloud from the roof line to about eye level that disappears into steam.
Aug. 13th: Today we got the electric bill. $642 for running the air conditioner day and night to cool the house down to about 90 degrees
.Aug. 14th: Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 115 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and said, "...but it's a dry heat", My wife had to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of jail.'

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